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Parody in custard

“Speedy” in comments on this site has done a better than excellent job of satirizing the satirists, so I’m reposting one of his comments here for those who missed it.

Bryan Dawe, ABC

The background is that here in the land of OZ, on our ABC (public funded TV, ie arm of big-government) there is a duo called John Clark and Bryan Dawe who do a weekly prime-time spot. Their pattern is to pretend to be a politician or two and bat questions back and forward. At the bottom of this post is a Youtube video of them on “Climate Change” from two years ago. You can see an archive of them here. Deadpan is the usual delivery.

But because the ABC is about 20 years behind in the real news on Global Warming, Clark and Dawe work with the disadvantage of being ABC viewers, and so when the Liberal Party disintegrated over the Emissions Trading Scheme most everyone on the ABC had no idea why it was happening. This is a real handicap for comedians, since to be funny, you have to be one step ahead of the audience.

Thanks to Speedy for sharing his talent. He’s captured the pair’s “voices” and genre to a tee (even though I’d actually be shocked speechless if I heard them say this on the ABC).

Speedy comments: Imagine what fun Brian and John would have had in the last few months if they’d been off the leash??? Maybe something like this, but only better…

(Originally from this thread…)

If the ABC Was Relevant, Part 6

Kerry: Tonight, we’re joined by Senator Penny Wong.

Brian: Senator Wong, thanks for joining us – and may I add how lovely you look tonight.

John: Why, thank you Brian.

Brian: You’ve been pretty quiet lately, Senator.

John: Plenty to be quiet about Brian.

Brian: Such as?

John: Climategate, Copenhagen, conflict of interest, Glaciergate. Blizzards in the northern hemisphere. Anything to do with Climate Change, actually. It’s all gone to custard.

Brian: So it’s been a tough few months, then?

John: Been a mongrel, Brian, yes. First Climategate made us all look like a bunch of crooks. Then Copenhagen made us look like a bunch of stupid crooks. And…

Brian: And ???

John: Subsequent events have confirmed the earlier conclusions Brian. The UN head of climate change turns out to be a railway engineer who’s now on the gravy train, and it seems our peer reviewed glacier data is obtained over the phone from a gentleman in the Punjab.

Brian: Who is…?

John: A certified idiot Brian. And as of late, a highly respected and very well credentialed traveler on the gravy train as well.

Brian: Where the wheels are looking wobbly to the point of parting from the vehicle?

John: Cheers for that Brian. Can we change the subject please?

Brian: OK. So, err, Senator, any plans for the future?

John: Not much.

Brian: How about the ETS legislation in February?

John: Not much point really, is there Brian? Blind Freddy can see it’s a crock of it. A total waste of taxpayer’s resources and government’s time. Government exists to maintain and expand the social and economic well-being of its population – not to legislate natural events. No responsible government would even contemplate such a thing.

Brian: Then what will you do instead?

John: After disbanding the Department for Climate Change?

Brian: Dismantle your own department?

John: Of course. It’s about as useful as tits on a bull right now Brian. Yep. Disband the department, resign from parliament and then I think I’ll renovate the en-suite and put in a home entertainment room.

Brian: (Gobsmacked) What!?

John: Home entertainment room Brian. A lot of houses have them these days.

Brian: (Spluttering) Resign?

John: Sorry, should have mentioned it earlier. The Labor Party will be resigning on Monday. We’ll probably be the first government in history to resign in protest at their own incompetence.

Brian: (Still gobsmacked.) The Labor Party?

John: Only the feds Brian. Though I hear the New South Wales guys reckon it could be a good idea as well. Kevin might stick around to run a garage sale and hand over the keys. The best thing we can do for the country Brian.

Brian: You can’t be serious!

John: (Laughing) ‘Course not Brian. When do you want to start the interview?

The real Clarke and Dawe on Climate Change. (Remember it was two years ago).

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Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)
Parody in custard, 10.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

32 comments to Parody in custard

  • #


    brilliant mate – you should pass that on to John and Brian :)


  • #
    spangled drongo

    Absolute classic. I’ve been waiting for that story but I know it will never happen.
    Submit the script anyway.


  • #
    Michael Cejnar

    Speedy – that is absolutely hilarious!
    You gotta submit it.
    Hope Joanne runs it on front page.


  • #

    Good one Speedy.
    On another point, yes, I think the MSM has done itself a lot of damage. Probably terminal. Yes we’ll all have to become our own journalists but so what?


  • #
    dave ward

    I suppose you could say “The Front Fell Off” the Global Warming band wagon!

    I’ve often wondered who did that classic sketch – now I know.


  • #

    Brian Dawe also does his own act on radio called Sir Murray Rivers who’s a pompous old bastard from the extreme right. :) great act also.


  • #

    [...] If only politicians were this honest! [...]


  • #
    Peter of Sydney

    Wong is the most useless politician ever. She is a waste of space.


  • #

    Having driven a Prius once, I noticed the screen displayed a graphic showing when the electric and/or petrol engine were providing power, and other useful information like the wheels are rotating when you are driving.
    I wrote to Toyota suggesting that the graphic should be of Penny Wong smiling when the car is operating at maximum efficiency, and Penny Wong frowning otherwise. They never replied. Perhaps they realized that Penny would only be smiling when the vehicle wasn’t operating at all.


  • #

    This is just like John Bird and John Fortune here in the UK. They do similar “interviews” occassionally, although they haven’t been on for a while. It’s notable that, as James Dellingpole has pointed out, our main satirical magazine here (Private Eye) hasn’t covered Climate Gate and associated stories, AT ALL!


  • #

    Jo – the person in the picture top right is Brian Dawe – John Clark is the bald one. ;)


  • #
    Peter Pond

    Although Clarke and Dawe appear to come from the political Left (as do many presenters on “our ABC”), they are still a classic Australian comedy act (Clarke is a Kiwi, but near enough).

    It will be a real test to see whether they can bring themselves to make something of Climategate (and the other related “Gates”) – which provide a huge source of comedic inspiration. Any comedian who can’t develop something out of the recent Pachauri stories, for instance, isn’t trying.


  • #
    Billy Bob Hall

    That’s Brian Dawe in the ‘still’ photo :-)


  • #

    ‘on’ya Speedy…. Got a good laugh out of that.


  • #

    Oops! Thanks for the note re the caption janama and Billy. Fixed. (Shows how often I don’t watch the ABC eh?)

    YEs, agreed Peter, the best comedians can poke fun at both sides of politics. Even the attacks to the “right” would be better if they understood what was really going on in this issue.

    Speedy would make a great writer for them.


  • #

    I tried to move some comments from the thread where Speedy posted this (and has a comment rating of 36 Likes), but the comments went missing! So until they turn up, here are the copies:
    Haha. They did turn up. I don’t know why the speed of light has slowed down on my blog… Comments never moved that slow before :-)


  • #

    Jo – thanks & shucks! Fully agree with the other commentators about why the satirists (eg Private Eye) regard the various climate fiasco’s we’ve had lately as sacred cows – most like is that the mainsteam media hasn’t educated the masses to the extent that they’re likely to get the joke!

    I’d be surprised and honoured if John and Brian were to go to air with these. I’ll send them a note with we’ve got so far, and leave it up to them. There’s about 7 so far and I see Osama Bin Laden is now both a Terrorist and a Carbonista – so he’s up for #8! I hope he doesn’t get offended…

    Still working on the back catalogue – here’s one that goes with your report on the SPPI earth station report by Anthony Watts about 2 weeks ago. James Hansen doesn’t make a lot of sense to me most times, so I’ve probably extrapolated him a bit….

    If the ABC was Relevant, Part 7
    [NOTE: Resemblance to the other ABC is just your imagination.]

    Kerry: Tonight, Brian and John talk to a top NASA scientist to look at the action behind the scenes of the climate debate:

    Brian: Professor James Hansen, thanks for your time.

    John: Glad to be here Brian.

    Brian: Dr. Hansen, NASA plays a significant role in measuring and collating the data used to determine changes in the climate. Have you gained any insights into climate change through your studies to date?

    John: It’s not climate change Brian – it’s global warming. Our research demonstrates for a fact that we’ve got a serious case of global warming on our hands. We’re undergoing unprecedented warming of the planet and global temperatures are going to rise by between 7 and 10 degrees Celsius over the next 15 years Brian. Look at this graph if you don’t believe me… [Shows graph.] …

    JOHN: Stands out like dog’s nuts Brian.

    BRIAN: But there’s two graphs there?

    JOHN: Exactly. This one – the flat one underneath – is the satellite temperature record. And the other one – going up like this – are from the earth weather stations.

    BRIAN: But why the difference?

    JOHN: Because the satellites are up in space Brian.

    BRIAN: But surely satellites measure the earth’s temperature?

    JOHN: Only when they’re on the ground Brian. The rest of the time they’re in space and they measure what’s up there. And, as you can see, that’s where it stays nice and cool. But down here, where the people are, the earth stations clearly show it’s…getting…warmer. So what do you think that means Brian?

    BRIAN: [Hesitantly] People make it … er…warmer?

    JOHN: Precisely Brian! My word, you catch on fast.

    BRIAN: But why do we bother putting the satellites up in space Dr. Hansen?

    JOHN: Very simple Brian – so they can measure the temperature of space and the sun and the cosmic ray thingies. They’re all in the same postcode. But the ground stations – we put them where the people are – crowded cities, bitumen car parks, airport taxi zones, etc etc.

    BRIAN: But what about the temperature measurements at the poles – where the snow is?

    JOHN: Good point Brian – we’re getting rid of those.

    BRIAN: But why?

    JOHN: Have you listened to an Arctic weather forecast lately Brian?

    BRIAN: Can’t say that I have actually.

    JOHN: Well, this may come as a surprise to you Brian, but the Arctic weather is what we scientists call “predictable”. Usually something like – “Cold to very cold with the chance of snow overnight.” And given that most of the nights extend to several week’s duration, I find this hard to refer to as an adventurous prediction.

    BRIAN: But it’s still a reading…

    JOHN: Listen Brian – have you got cloth ears? I told you before – if you’re in the business of measuring climate change, and your climate station data doesn’t change, then there’s no point in measuring it, is there? Waste of time Brian.

    BRIAN: Well maybe you might say that about the weather, but what about the climate measurements? Surely we need an array of measurements around the globe?

    JOHN: An interesting point Brian because in actual fact, climate measurement is in many ways easier than weather measurement, thanks to a few simplifying assumptions available to the professional climatologist.

    BRIAN: Such as?

    JOHN: Well Brian, we all know that climate is reported in a very generalised temporal and geographic context. This has enabled us to rationalise and streamline our reporting structure by deleting the older, less productive weather stations as typically found in the polar regions. The impact of these areas can be accounted for by simple interpolation of the surrounding data.

    BRIAN: So how many weather stations do you believe we’ll need in the future of climate reporting Dr Hansen ?

    JOHN: Approximately one Brian.

    BRIAN: Only one???

    JOHN: The Al Gore Climate Institute, Singapore. The world’s only dedicated and UN-approved climate station, as of the year 2025.

    BRIAN: Singapore???

    JOHN: Yes Brian, Singapore. Location, location, location.

    BRIAN: But it’s on the equator!

    JOHN: Like I said. Location, location, location. Singapore is halfway between the Arctic and the Antarctic, so we just split the difference and take our polar readings from there. Plus, as you said, Singapore is capable of reporting the climate in two hemispheres at once. A simple matter of interpolation.

    BRIAN: But isn’t it hot there?

    JOHN: It will be in 15 years Brian. Would you like to see another graph?
    [Author’s Note] The actual graph from the SPPI report of Jan 2010 – shown in comic form in the above graph – is shown below. It indicates a divergence between satellite and earth station data, consistent with progressive removal of “hot” earth stations from the earth station data set.


  • #

    Doh!! The graphs didn’t come through – see the SPPI report NCDC versus UAH and RSS graph.

    Also – it’s the cold stations that are being taken out, for some strange reason…


  • #

    good one Speedy

    here’s Monckton on Jon Faine’s Melbourne morning show.


  • #

    Speedy, your’e a legend!
    Clarke and Dawe are usually very funny, even if they are a bit left. Anyone here heard them do Paul Keating. “It’s a complete rooster up!” Also, check out “The Games”, if you can find it.


  • #

    Hi Jaytee (20) – Yep I’ve even got a copy of “The Games” (available from ABC Shops and all good retailers)! Remember that episode where they “roostered” up the Olympic track and finished up with an “almost” 100 metre event? Or the one where the earthworks weren’t quite right so they finished up with the diving platform about 50 metres away from the pool?

    Why these guys can’t get a few week’s worth of material out of the various IPCC ‘gates is beyond me.




  • #

    LOL! “When do you want to start the interview?” Nice Touch.


  • #
    spangled drongo

    It is really sad when a comedian or their producer won’t tackle a subject because of their political bias.
    Can you imagine what Spike or the 2 Ronnies would do to Global Warming?


  • #

    Speedy – if you don`t score a paying gig with the ABC as the new Dawe/Clarke skit writer (and you should as far as I`m concerned!) I put you on notice that you will be REQUIRED to make your entire back catalogue available on this website via a link.

    In the event of a knock-back from Aunty, non-compliance with this directive is not an option…man, I could swear I heard them talking as I was reading your posts!

    Well done, I think a touch of humour is much required.


  • #
  • #

    Bring back Fred and his sons, Trev, Trev, Trev and Trev. Global warming must be caused by farming, so Mr. Dagg is to blame.

    (Showing my Kiwi age here).


  • #

    I don’t think you can interpolate global temperature with just one weather station. You need at least two. In addition to Singapore, I would suggest Quito, Ecuador, which is on the exact opposite side of the world. The North and South poles are therefore halfway between these two stations, and so the temperatures at the poles can be calculated by simply averaging the two.


  • #

    Charles D.

    Your logic is inescapable. But scarey.




  • #
    Baa Humbug

    Impossible to read Speedys piece without John and Brians voices in my ear. Been a fan of these two for years. “Get me some tissues love, I got tears coming down my cheeks (all four of them)”


  • #
    Baa Humbug

    For those wishing to become a little more familiar with Clarke and Dawe, hence get more out of speedies brilliant piece, type “the front fell off” into the search bar of the above video. Choose the “Friday Joke, The Front Fell Off” and enjoy.


  • #


    I’dlike to ask you something.


  • #
    Joe Veragio

    Baa @ #30:
    Sheer Brilliance

    It was doing the rounds at the office but the style seemed reminiscent of something discussed here.

    The Front Fell Off

    Isn’t AGW just crying out for such treatment.
    There’s clearly something fishy abou6t it when a such a subject is off limits to comedy.