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Close to the bone:
The Babylon Bee
WASHINGTON, D.C—President Donald Trump is once again under fire from the media for recklessly downplaying the danger of COVID by refusing to die. As the president begins to show signs of recovery, many worry that this sends the wrong message about the seriousness of the global pandemic.
“His defiance is going to get people killed. Dying like he’s supposed to would be the most patriotic thing he could do,” complained CNN correspondent Adam Pelot. “If he lives, how will the people be able to trust science?”
Tagged: satire and parody
The disappointment this week in news rooms was palpable.
In other news, Biden may be far ahead in the polls, but Gallup Polling shows 56% think Trump will win, and only 40% think Biden will win.
According to David Catron, this is a more useful indicator than asking people “who they’ll vote for”:
July 17th 2020: The American Spectator
Lately, pollsters and pundits have been nervously pondering the following question: “If Trump is behind in the polls, why do most voters say, in the same surveys, that he will win the […]
Some great talent in time for the weekend.
Remy does The Beatles.
…
The money tap was already running before the visit from a virus. Someone’s going to have to break the bad news…
Written and Performed by Remy | Produced and Edited by Austin Bragg Music tracks and mastering by Ben Karlstrom
h/t Alexandra
9.2 out of 10 based on 42 ratings
Let me be the one to introduce DanPrawn to the world.
Man this is going to go viral. 17 views and it’s headed for thousands…
Great new talent!
“I thank my lucky stars that I became a climate change denier”
Thank you Dan!
UPDATE: A few days later as it’s gone to 13k views. See the youtube link.
9.2 out of 10 based on 145 ratings
Peacetime maximums on Boxing Day are just not what they used to be
The ABC is afraid that Boxing day cricket may “go extinct” due to the heat. Chris Gillham at WAClimate.net graphed the December 26 test temperatures in Melbourne all the way back to 1855. Obviously, using ABC-ScienceTM (absurdio-extrapolatory et al) what we are really looking at is ominous cooling. To help the ABC, let’s adjust headlines accordingly.
“Injuries are forecast to rise as maximum temperatures fall in Melbourne on Boxing Day.”
The trend is clear in a supercomputer somewhere. If this decline continues the second polynomial will hit zero in 440 years. Cricketers won’t know what heat is.
The graphs here confirm the newspaper stories of a history of phenomenal Boxing day heat — especially in the late 1800s and circa World War II. Ergo, wars cause global warming (in Melbourne, on Dec 26).
…This is bound to change…
Two things to keep in mind, apart from designing a team beanie, is that many of the temperatures in the 1800s weren’t from Stevenson screens and so are debatable. On the other hand, the urban heat island effect is strong and site maintenance is weak, so […]
Watch Spock in the 1970s describing how climate scientists were predicting a mile high wall of ice that could cover Canada down to Boston “in your lifetime”, and it may already have started. Commenter Bulldust found Gary Orsum’s droll commentary on that documentary. Great stuff.
Best part begins from 5:45 mins on:
In 1977 the worst winter in a century struck the United States… one desperate night in Buffalo, eight people froze to death…
the brutal Buffalo winter might become common all over the United States. Climate experts believe the next ice age is on its way.
Temperatures have been dropping for thirty years…
With 40 years headstart on climate scares, Orsum has all the answers.
Leonard Nimoy: Arctic cold and perpetual snow could turn most of the inhabitable portions of our planet into an Arctic wasteland.
Sure says Orsum, but there are ways to allieviate that threat even with your primitive caveman technology, just get the kids to take Fridays off school.
The opening five minutes explaining how he’s not a denier though he keeps being called one. Readers here have lived that landscape already. Just say “lukewarmer” and […]
This is striking new finding by ABC journalist Ann Arnold that for some reason has not yet been published in a science journal.
Some mystery remains, however as to which dataset could rule out any and all fires in the last 30,000,000 years, or indeed which dataset could prove that those forests and trees have existed in the same place continuously. We keenly await more details on the high resolution sedimentary pollen and missing ash deposit that could show that there were never fires, not one, especially during the Miocene when Antarctica thawed around 24 million years ago and stayed hot for ten million continuous years.
It’s all the more remarkable given that temperatures have varied in the Antarctic by 15 degrees Celcius over the same period, and for 20 million years out of the last 30, it was even hotter than today.
Scientists keenly look forward to seeing those error bars, though one critic, Dr Hyperbowlie suggested the p-values “might be greater than 1. ”
Global Temperature estimates over the last 65 million years.
Bushfires devastate rare and enchanting wildlife as ‘permanently wet’ forests burn for first time
Ann Arnold, ABC, Saturday Extra
These forests have […]
Eight full grown trees of carbon in every bottle of Eco-vodka
No seriously, yesterday Air Co launched a type of vodka made from air instead of potatoes. One bottle allegedly soaks up “as much CO2 as eight fully grown trees.”
At $65 a bottle, this will be a must have for fashionable snowflakes who have too much money and not enough taste buds.
This solves the hole in the market for all the people wanting low carbon Bloody Mary’s.
The vodka, which costs $65 for a 750 ml bottle, is made from only two ingredients, carbon dioxide (a greenhouse gas) and water. That’s unlike traditional vodka, which is typically made by fermenting grains such as corn, potato and wheat. Producing a typical bottle of vodka could create around 13 pounds of greenhouse gases, according to Fast Company, while Air Co.’s product is carbon negative, removing a pound of carbon from the air with every bottle produced.
More efficiently than plants?!
The process uses the same principles as photosynthesis in plants but does so more efficiently,” Constantine tells CNBC Make It.
Air Co.’s technology splits water into hydrogen and oxygen, then combines the hydrogen […]
Skeptics get banned, rejected, blocked and sacked from the mainstream media yet somehow Nature has a paper on Skeptics getting too much media. Believers don’t have to be an expert to control the news agenda, just a Greenpeace activist, or a teenage girl. Skeptics on the other hand, can be Nobel Prize winners, but the BBC won’t even phone them.
Nature, the former science giant, just launched the tenets of science over the event horizon. This paper is Argument from Authority rolled into false equivalence, and powered with cherry-picked errors in both category and in categorization. Nonsense on a rocket. It’s not what science is, and it’s not what journalism should be either. And Nature is supposed to be both. Judith Curry calls it The latest travesty in ‘consensus enforcement’ and the worst paper she has ever seen in a reputable journal.
….
Both David Evans and I get a mention on what is effectively Nature‘s blacklist. What an honour! No really — there are 386 great names. Even more of an honour is a mention on Judith Curry’s site “blogs she’s learnt something from”. (By some freak, my name comes right after Freeman Dyson and Ivar […]
It’s self congratulation disguised as “science”. The insults are passed off as universal human failings but the unmistakable message is that those who do believe in “climate change” are exempt. (Only the unbelievers have smaller minds and more selfish cortexes. )
Time Magazine: Why Your Brain Can’t Process Climate Change
You’d have to be pretty stupid not to get this message:
…We know—at least those of us not in the grips of outright climate denial—how bad it is. But we can’t seem to act to save the future.
The Time readers who haven’t cancelled their subscriptions already may like to read this and give themselves a free shot of mojo, knowing that they can process climate change. Possibly they buy Time because it tells them they’re the gifted, superior beings they hope they might be. This is manna for those with low self esteem and meaningless lives.
This is not just some random author either, Bryan Walsh, who wrote this, was TIME’s International Editor, its energy and environmental correspondent and was the Tokyo bureau chief in 2006 and 2007.
As usual, it’s projection all the way down:
There are many reasons why [we fail to […]
Oh yes, sure. These are really going to catch on. The grippy totalitarian, gimme dat culture strikes again with hot lyrics like “We Wish You a Steady Climate”, “We all Yearn for Solar Panels”, and “Away in The Arctic”. They sound for all the world like they were written by a climate model. If we can’t outdo this, making them funnier and more in the spirit of Christmas, I’ll eat my keyboard.
Please do your best, the official PDF is here. (Carols against Coal backed up here.)
We wish you a Steady Climate
Tune: Trad English (We with you a merry Christmas) Lyrics: Petrina Barson
We wish you a steady climate, we wish you a steady climate, we wish you a steady climate and a happy new year.
Glad tidings we bring to you and your kin. We wish you a steady climate and a happy new year.
We just want ambitious targets, we just want ambitious targets, we just want ambitious targets so bring some out here. Glad …
We won’t go until we get some, we won’t go until […]
The Pliocene is coming to get you.
The shocking news is that the world cooled for 50 million years, then, just like that, two hundred years ago, humans stopped the cooling, and turned the global clock, or thermometer, whateveryoucallit, around. Now, unleash the disaster — by 2030 Earth is going to resemble the mid-Pliocene. So in just 11 years time, it will be like 3 million years ago. Apparently we are losing 250,000 years every year. Buy a solar panel now!
You think I’m joking:
Humans may be reversing the climate clock, by 50 million years
Our future on Earth may also be our past.
In a study published Monday (Dec. 10, 2018) in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers show that humans are reversing a long-term cooling trend tracing back at least 50 million years. And it’s taken just two centuries.
By 2030, Earth’s climate is expected to resemble that of the mid-Pliocene, going back more than 3 million years in geologic time.
How bad was the Pliocene?
In the Pliocene, North and South America joined tectonically, the climate was arid, land bridges allowed animals to spread across […]
A 28 year old guy in British Columbia thought it had some message about climate change if he sealed himself in a primitive biodome with 200 plants. But the sun didn’t shine, the plants didn’t photosynthesize enough, and he “felt sluggish”. CO2 levels were a bit high so he had to abandon the experiment just 15 hours later — calling it “a huge success”. As you would, if you had no connection to actual hardship, or actual success.
The BBC thought this badly planned, unscientific stunt failure was newsworthy and lauded him his 15 seconds of fame and advertising for the cause. Proving that any kind of measurable achievement is irrelevant. If it promotes the religion, anything will do.
I challenge anyone to find a lamer stunt in the history of climate panic
…
Kurtis Baute: Scientist leaves airtight dome after 15 hours
A self-styled “whimsical scientist” who locked himself in an airtight dome with 200 plants to raise awareness of climate change has ended his experiment.
He thanked fans and described the experience as a “huge success”.
While still inside the dome, he explained his mission in a Twitter thread, writing: “#ClimateChange […]
Climate protestors put their best argument forward:
It’s taken thirty years and $100 billion in scientific research to get here.
They think they can stop droughts.
Now we know that the best thing about climate protestors is their cardboard.
Australians will surely now poke, Fun at each bare-bottomed bloke, Who sought coal-mining closure, By their rear end exposure, With each now the butt of a joke.
–Ruairi
I don’t think these guys realize the upper tropospheric hot spot is missing. They are going to feel pretty silly when they find out someone tricked them into standing naked in the main street of Melbourne.
As reported by EchonetDaily (whoever they are, they don’t appear to be a satirical site). This weekend in Melbourne …. sometime when it was very very dark and there were no pedestrians. (Or maybe it was photoshopped and they were never there at all?)
8.6 out of 10 based on 52 ratings […]
Thank the ABC. This is the best comedy I’ve seen them do on “climate change” — albeit unwittingly. The ABC has a new comedy show on Wednesday nights called RoadMap to Paradise.
This is Big-Government Comedy. You’ll swear this was made by a skeptic. No really.
Unconvinced that ‘feel good’ environmentalism is making any real impact @mrcoreywhite sets out to come up with a fresh solution. Could incentivising greed and laziness for a good cause be just what this country needs? #RoadmapToParadise tonight at 9.35pm. pic.twitter.com/JJUqU4lblp
— ABC TV Australia (@ABCTV) June 20, 2018
Is he a skeptic infiltrator? Nooo. The same episode includes an interview with a CSIRO scientist, Kathleen McInnes, who drops in to tell us things are “pretty bad”. And one of Corey White’s big ideas is to treat Elon Musk’s business like a tax deductible religion. I don’t think he sees the funny side of that either.
What was he thinking?
It’s tough being a comedian.
I’m guessing Cory White wanted to expose the futility of individual voluntary action to change the planet’s climate, with the bigger aim of convincing the audience that only Big-Government regulation can save us!
Sadly for him, Big-government action […]
Forget the plight of snow skiers who won’t know what snow is — it’s cricket that will be hit hardest.
That’s why the sport must take notice of a report published by Climate Coalition, …
The document names cricket as the sport that will be hardest hit by climate change in England, stating that “wetter winters and more intense summer downpours are disrupting the game at every level”.
God forbid. This is a death spiral:
.. Glamorgan Head of Operations, Dan Cherry, …warned that climate change could “fundamentally change the game”.
“The less cricket we play, the fewer people will watch it, the less they will come to the ground and pay to enter, the less chance there is for young people to be inspired,” said Cherry.
This change, it seems, has already begun.
Wait til you see the evidence:
In international cricket, 27 percent of England’s home one-day internationals since 2000 have been played with reduced overs because of rain delays. The rate of rain-affected matches has more than doubled since 2011, with five percent of matches abandoned completely.
By crikey. That is a six year weather […]
“Air-conditioning” of The Great Barrier Reef begins soon
To calm a few panicking people, the Australian Government will pay for large fans to circulate water on a minuscule portion of the 2,300 kilometer long Great Barrier Reef. The reef creatures, which have been coping with higher temperatures and bleaching for two hundred million years, will hopefully avoid the moving parts. Marine life adapts to heatwaves by chucking out the symbionts that don’t thrive in higher temperatures and replacing them up new inhabitants that do. If the fans achieve anything, it may stop this natural process (called Symbiont Shuffling) thus possibly making small sections of the reef more vulnerable to future heatwaves and El Ninos. Who knows?
Fans like this are used in the United States to circulate water.
Mark this one up as a pagan symbolic idol that symbolizes our grandiose delusions of weather-control.
Federal Government spending $2.2m on giant ocean fans in bid to protect Great Barrier Reef
Eight huge reef mixer fans are planned for the Great Barrier Reef in far north Queensland, in a trial project that hopes to reduce the damage caused by coral bleaching events.
The Federal Government has […]
Young Bearded Dragon worried about falling SAT scores.
Ominously, cute Australian Bearded Dragons (Pogona vitticeps) may grow up to be more stupid if their eggs are incubated in a hotter world.
Bearded Dragons Are Dumber Because of Climate Change
–National Geographic
This has all kinds of implications.
Obviously, it follows that Victorian Bearded Dragons must be smarter than their Queensland cousins. I can see future papers coming on the IQ gradient of dragons down the East Coast of Australia.
Secondly, with this handy simple relationship between IQ and temperature we can infer the entire intellectual history of Bearded Dragons as the climate fluctuated: including the Peak Holocene Dolt Era and the Glacial Genius Maximum.
…
From National Geographic
” The researchers took a single clutch of 13 eggs and split them into two groups. Seven eggs were incubated at a toasty 30°C (86°F), while the other six were incubated at a milder 27°C (81°F). There was an almost even mix of males and females.
Ahh. The cause of lower IQs may be not a hotter world, but a hotter artificial incubator. The message in this paper is Don’t leave artificial incubators lying around […]
Elmer and the Bureaucrats. (M4GW)
I love these guys! h/t Lance
9.4 out of 10 based on 100 ratings
It’s another day in a DroneAge religion
English Mastiff, Planet warming dog.
It took 12 “researchers” to discover that the best way you, personally, can change the future global climate is to avoid having kids. If you do have kids, you can make up a bit, apparently, by all going vegetarian. If that’s too hard, consider swapping your dog for a hamster. But if you have to have kids, dogs, and eat meat, at the very least, assuage your green guilt for living in the easiest, most bountiful time and place on Earth, by feeding your dog some sweet potatoes occasionally instead of Chum.
Got that? How many tens of thousands of dollars of taxpayer funds did it take to discover this while not ever once google searching for “reasons climate models are wrong/skillless/barking fairy failures?
Marvel at the Washington Times sentence construction — this study comes with cows?
The study comes with livestock, notably cows, already targeted by the environmental movement for their prodigious methane production, prompting calls for people to reduce their beef consumption in order to reduce greenhouse-gas emissions.
This news is popular with all vegetarian, childless, dogless, lizard owners:
[…]
Hurry Now and Save Trillions! A 500 trillion, gazillion dollar bill is coming for you unless you buy my solar-panel-techno-wind-battery gizmo NOW! Don’t miss out. You too, can be a world saving star for a bargain price. Free planet with nice weather thrown in. Offer ends at midnight.
Seriously, have you always wanted to stop storms, vermin, disease, plagues, hunger, poverty, droughts, floods, and shrinking fish and chips?
All of this and much more if you just pay up now, pay today, pay tomorrow, and hock your children’s future.
Hands up who wants to be a hero?
Who needs an economist to calculate the biggest bill you’ve ever seen? (It’s a record, the Largest Ever Bill in Four Million Years! )
World’s young face $535 trillion bill for climate
The next generation will have to pay a $535 trillion bill to tackle climate change, relying on unproven and speculative technology.
LONDON, 19 July, 2017 – One of the world’s most famous climate scientists has just calculated the financial burden that tomorrow’s young citizens will face to keep the globe at a habitable temperature and contain global warming and climate change – a $535 trillion bill.
[…]
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JoNova A science presenter, writer, speaker & former TV host; author of The Skeptic's Handbook (over 200,000 copies distributed & available in 15 languages).
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