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Cricketers to freeze: Boxing Day Tests in Melbourne cooling since WWII

Posted By Jo Nova On January 1, 2020 @ 3:55 pm In FakeNews,Funny stuff,Global Warming,Media-matters,Satire & Parody | Comments Disabled

Peacetime maximums on Boxing Day are just not what they used to be

The ABC is afraid that Boxing day cricket may “go extinct” due to the heat.  Chris Gillham at WAClimate.net graphed the December 26 test temperatures in Melbourne all the way back to 1855.  Obviously, using ABC-ScienceTM (absurdio-extrapolatory et al) what we are really looking at is ominous cooling. To help the ABC, let’s adjust headlines accordingly.

“Injuries are forecast to rise as maximum temperatures fall in Melbourne on Boxing Day.”

The trend is clear in a supercomputer somewhere. If this decline continues the second polynomial will hit zero in 440 years. Cricketers won’t know what heat is.

The graphs here confirm the newspaper stories of a history of phenomenal Boxing day heat – especially in the late 1800s and circa World War II. Ergo, wars cause global warming (in Melbourne, on Dec 26).

Boxing Day Test Temperature Trend in Australia

…This is bound to change…

Two things to keep in mind, apart from designing a team beanie, is that many of the temperatures in the 1800s weren’t from Stevenson screens and so are debatable. On the other hand, the urban heat island effect is strong and site maintenance is weak, so modern temperatures are debatable too. Sometime in World War I Australian sites hit a peak of being both reliable, modern, and not surrounded by hot concrete. The BOM obviously adjusts those days down.

As Chris says: The current Olympic Park weather station is less than a kilometre from the MCG, and it’s worth noting that Melbourne is an urban location not included in national temperature averages because the BoM acknowledges that city infrastructure has caused artificial UHI warming of one or two degrees.

Obviously the urban heat island effect (UHI) will be concealing the true cooling trend. If it weren’t for all those skyscrapers and super highways, the cricket pitch would be considerably cooler. Prof Panicbunny from Melbourne Uni fears that if the Australian economy continues to collapse under weight of high energy prices, the growth in UHI will stall, potentially putting cricket players at risk of needing scarfs in summer.

Clearly, since CO2 emissions appear to be ineffective at raising temperatures, only more concrete can save cricketers.

A ray of hope — while Boxing Day is cooling, Dec 27-30 is not:

Cricketers may only need ski jackets for the first day.

This is obviously due to climate change. Climate change causes climates to stay the same.

Boxing Day test temperatures -- Melbourne, Australia.

No doubt this data will need some adjustment post hoc, and post hoc hoc.

Sometime in 2200AD we look forward to finding out what the temperature was in 2019.

POST NOTE: Jokes aside. All conclusions and inferences here are subject to mockery, but the graphs above are real and based on BOM data. If only ABC journalism was too.

 

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