SOURCE: SATIRICAL PRESS. Don’t believe a word.
Malcolm Turnbull, leader of The Australian Opposition has been announced as the outstanding winner of the coveted Order of the Banker.
Victor Mosely, the chairman of the Bankers Awards committee, announced the win this evening, in anticipation of the passing of the Australian Emissions Trading Scheme. “This man has done more than anyone to improve future banking profits world wide”. When pointed out that it was merely an Australian scheme, Mosely replied, that “in the fraught lead up to Copenhagen he has done what no one else could, he’s given us hope.”
Carbon trading in 2008 was a $126 billion market. The CFTC in the United States was forecasting a trillion dollar market by 2012. More than ever, banks need help with their balance sheets, and nothing else will expand the power of financial houses as fast as carbon trading will.
His work in defying science, polls, and any semblance of democracy is really rising above and beyond the call.
While Kevin Rudd was an obvious choice for the award this year, Mosely declared that Turnbull had pulled the much needed legislation from certain death despite all odds. “What Turnbull did was extraordinary. Opinion polls are falling worldwide, a deal at Copenhagen is extremely unlikely, Australian emissions will make no measureable impact on the world or the weather, then this week, climate science was exposed as being based on fraudulent work. All this AND his own party are revolting against him. His work in defying science, polls, and any semblance of democracy is really rising above and beyond the call. Banksters salute him everywhere from the bottom of their hearts.
Tributes rolled in for Turnbull from representatives of JP Morgan, BNP Paribas, ABN Amro, Barclays, Deutsche Bank and HSBC.
“With ClimateGate news spreading fast and exposing a criminal element at the heart of climate science, it really was an admirable show of brazen audacity to ignore the majority of the elected representatives in his party, and stick to a two year old “mandate” he wasn’t given, in an election he didn’t win, and from a time when the public thought that scientists didn’t “know” the answer to their experiments before they did them.”
Never before has the Prize been awarded to someone who is a politician. (Although Turnbull was once head of Goldman Sachs Australia, a former banker does not normally qualify).
This illustrious win earns Turnbull the lifelong title “Sir” when being addressed by bank shareholders and workers.
*With apologies to Victor Mosely, whoever he is. As of tonight, Australia looks set to adopt an emissions trading scheme thanks to Malcolm Turnbull. After a marathon 7 hour meeting, Turnbull announced he had the Party room support even though 46 people spoke against him and only 33 spoke in favour. (All said in the true spirit of a “denier” of the evidence). Our best hope lies in a leadership spill. The only hope for the Liberal Party is to remove the dictocrat. It may happen. It can’t be too soon.